The visitor we didn't have

Rocket Boy and I found out today that we are NOT going to have a visitor from Germany come and stay with us for 3 weeks later this month. This visitor, Sebastian, who isn't coming after all is the boo bears' 3rd cousin. He is 20 years old and would not have rented a car. He would have sat around the house with me and the boo bears (while Rocket Boy was at work) all day long with nothing to do. The thought was just terrifying to me. Fortunately, Sebi realized that his passport had expired and there was no time to get it renewed, so he's going to come next year. HUGE ENORMOUS sigh of relief.

The relief is enormous because the anxiety that hit me when I first heard that he was planning to visit us was truly extreme. For example:

1. I needed to lose 30 pounds immediately because I would have been in a lot of photographs (which would then be sent to the German relatives who would see how fat I've gotten in the 7 years since we last saw them).

2. I needed to get out all my German books and start frantically re-learning German, because even though our would-be visitor has theoretically studied English, from his emails it would seem he has not learned much.

3. I needed to learn how to cook beef and pork, because Sebi and his family do not eat seafood or vegetarian meals. When Rocket Boy and I visited them 7 years ago, our visitor's mother cooked elaborate, delicious, meat-filled meals for us every night. I would have to do that too, even when it was 105 degrees every day. I mentioned this to Rocket Boy and he agreed, worriedly. We could barbecue, he suggested. I pointed out that we do not have a barbecue here, it is back in Boulder.

4. I needed to de-clutter the house, organize everything, clean it from stem to stern, and KEEP it that way for the duration of the visit, because our would-be visitor's home is spotless, as are most German homes. OUR home, on the other hand, is not.

5. I needed to plan interesting outings and activities for every single day of his 3-week visit, despite the fact that there is nothing to do in Ridgecrest, because when we visited Sebi's family in Germany, THEY planned interesting outings and activities for every single day of OUR 3-week visit. For example, every few days we went to a castle. A DIFFERENT castle. In fact, they wouldn't let us do anything on our own. We had to beg for a day on our own in the city, and even then, they escorted us to the city and only let us spend a few hours alone. (Note: we were in our 40s at the time, both with doctorates.)

6. I needed to potty-train my twins instantly, because undoubtedly all German children are potty-trained by age two and a half, and also make them behave better in general, eat with a fork not their fingers, not scream, and also learn to speak German at least as well as they speak English.

There were other anxieties, but those are the big ones.

So you see, it wasn't all about Ridgecrest. Ridgecrest increased my anxieties about the visit, by being small and dull and hot. But my anxieties would have been running wild in Boulder too.

I wonder if it's because I don't have a job right now. I have started to judge myself by housewife standards. This is very bad, considering my utter lack of housewifely knowledge, skills, and abilities.

I want to help maintain ties with the German relatives because Rocket Boy doesn't have much in the way of family, and thus boo bears too have almost no relatives on that side. Someday I want them to be able to visit Sebastian and his family in Germany, and keep the connection going.

Apparently I have decided that the only way I can do this is to transform myself into a German housewife.

I have a whole year now to work on this. That is, work on not feeling this way, work on accepting myself as I am -- fat, messy, fish-cooking...

Well, maybe I could be a little thinner by then. And I probably should start reviewing my German.