Merry Christmas

This has been a very up and down Christmas season, what with Newtown and all. Yesterday, Christmas Eve, I was really feeling down -- probably mainly because I was coming down with a cold. But it wasn't just that. I was feeling overwhelmed. Christmas sure is different when you're the parent! It's wonderful... but it's also kind of not so fun. So much work, so few rewards. All day I kept wanting my mother to walk into the house and take over.

Or... you know, I think maybe I just wanted her to walk into the house. I wouldn't have minded doing all the work if she could have been sitting in a chair nearby, chatting with me. Maybe that's all it was. I just missed my mom. Hmm.

This is the first year the kids have been TOTALLY cognizant of the holiday, and it's also the first year (since they were babies) that we've spent Christmas Eve at home. Every other year we've been visiting family, and we've hung stockings in a hotel room. It was important to me that we do it at our house this year, but it meant that I had to make up all the family traditions, since none were in place. It also meant that because I was dumb enough to put some presents under the tree yesterday, all day long, Baby A said, "Mom! Can we open the presents now!" and all day long, I said, "No, not until Christmas," and Baby A said, "But I want to open them NOW!" and I said, "You can open one present tonight before you go to bed, but we open the rest tomorrow," and Baby A said, "No! I want to open them NOW!!!!!" and so on and so on, all day long.

I started wondering why I was making him wait. Why not just have Christmas now? I had no idea that Christmas involved being so dictatorial, so, well, mean. But I hung in there. We had homemade macaroni and cheese for dinner, which was a big hit, and everyone ate a lot of it. Then we let the twins open one small present each, little toy motorcycles, and then we packed everyone in the car and drove off to the Wizard of Oz house, which was all lit up and receiving guests. We tried to take a picture with Glinda, but Baby B did not want to participate.

Then we drove around and looked at lights for a while, while Baby A took a much needed nap (he hadn't slept at all that day, too frantic about the presents), and then we went home and opened one more present: new warm fuzzy throws (from Kmart, don't knock it), for them to use as blankets on their beds. These were a huge hit.

It took them a long time to settle down for the night, but finally their room was quiet. And then Santa Claus came.

(That's a scorpion sticking out of Baby B's stocking and a rattlesnake sticking out of Baby A's. Very desert-y.) Santa also left presents under the tree,

including a new small train set and the big one, a ROUNDHOUSE, which they have been asking for all year.

Still feeling gloomy, I went to bed without reading any Christmas stories. I woke up around 7:30 and the house was quiet, so I got dressed and then crawled back into bed with Dickens' "Christmas Carol." Right around 8 am, I heard stirrings in the other bedroom, and pretty soon two little boys came out and it was time to see what Santa had brought. It was a merry time.

Almost all the presents were appreciated (the exception being new warm jackets -- I suppose it's a bit like getting underwear for Christmas). I gave Rocket Boy some tea and a new shirt, and he gave me a really nice stone tortoise that I like a lot. The twins have been playing happily all morning -- QUITE a change from yesterday. And my mood is entirely different too, thank goodness.

I still miss my mother so much, but it feels like she's with me today.

Lighting candles

Well, the glow from the party didn't last long.

I read that some people in Newtown are taking down their Christmas decorations. I noticed a house on our street tonight that had toned down its decorations -- where before they had all sorts of things going on, now they have only some blue lights. Another group of houses that are just incredibly gaudily decorated, and also hooked up to a radio station so that the lights go on and off to the music, had turned the music off, and the lights were just steadily on. Of course I can't explain this to the twins (we're not talking to them about the tragedy).

In contrast, we finally put up our outside lights today. But it's just one simple string across the garage door and another small string wrapped around a bush. We also put up our tree today and burned the eight candles of the last night of Hanukkah. I don't feel like we're celebrating. It's more that we're surrounding ourselves with the comforting warmth of family and home and memories.

In my family of origin, we have some pretty brutal memories surrounding the holiday season, enough so that the holidays are changed -- for us all, I think. Well, I shouldn't speak for others. Changed for me, I can say that. At this time of year I have to spend some time thinking about the sad parts. I don't feel as though I can talk about these things with most people, because they recoil in horror. And that in itself is a kind of loss. But Christmas for me is still a time of comfort, because I have a lot of happy memories too. I like to relax into the memories of Christmases spent with my mother, who is gone now.

I can't imagine what the holidays are going to be like -- forever more -- for the families of the 26 people who were murdered. Especially the mothers and fathers of the 20 little children. The families of the 6 adults can know their murdered loved ones were heroes. The families of the little children -- what can they do? Maybe they'll form a group and have memorials together each year. That might help.

I hope something can be done about the guns. I feel ready to help out with that one. Don't you just want to storm the NRA headquarters and rip their people limb from limb? I guess that's the wrong attitude. Bury them in daisies, or something. I'm just done with Republicans and people who want everyone to carry a gun (a Sig Sauer?), so we'll all be safer.

Mainly I want this not to be forgotten. Shooting after shooting, we just sigh and say "Another one." I want to stop doing that. I am so done with all these guns.

Lighting a candle in my mind for everyone who lost a little child on Friday. I can't stop hugging my babies.

Parties

I like a lot of things about the holidays... the lights... the music... the food (peppermint anything)... the family get-togethers... even the shopping, though it's less special in Ridgecrest. Trudging through a garish Kmart or Walmart is just not the same as wandering through a tastefully decorated boutique.

But for many years now one of my most favorite things about the holidays is the parties. I'm not even talking about friends' parties. Do my friends give parties? Do I have any friends? I'm talking about organizational parties. Club parties, school parties, work parties. I adore them all. So far this month I've been to three club parties, and next week we've got a school party at daycare and a party at Rocket Boy's work. I wish we belonged to more clubs so we could go to more parties.

RB doesn't share my love of these parties. And really, I'm not sure why I like them so much. They're a bother. You have to make food, buy something for a gift exchange, wear a holiday sweater. But I love all that. I love making a special little dish for a party (it's entirely different from, e.g., making dinner). I love looking for a nice little gift, "under ten dollars, please." I love putting on a green shirt and my jingle bell earrings.

Tonight we went to a simply splendiferous party for a club Rocket Boy belongs to in Trona. It went beyond all expectations.

I had to do a lot of work to get ready for it. We had to bring a side dish, so I cut up two big bowls worth of fruit -- watermelon in one, and pineapple, oranges, strawberries, bananas, and grapes in the other. That took a while. We also had to bring gifts for the kids to open, because the club provides gifts for the adults. So I had to shop (at Walmart) for the kids' gifts, and wrap them. Then they encouraged people to bring donations to Spark of Love (like Toys for Tots), so I had to shop (at Kmart) for those gifts too. Then we had to drive to Trona, which is half an hour east of us, with noisy, complaining four-year-old twins in the back seat.

But when we reached the building where the club has its headquarters, we were ushered into the back room and there was a long table with maybe 40 people sitting at it -- holiday placemats and napkins and centerpieces and favors -- just lovely! When everyone was ready, we said the Pledge of Allegiance and someone said a long prayer, and then we filed into the other room to load our paper plates with 30 different dishes (the other 10 people brought dessert).

After we ate, there was some club business, and then someone read "The Night Before Christmas." At each person's plate was an envelope. Whenever the words "the" or "and" were read aloud, you had to pass your envelope to the left. After the chaos died down, we opened our envelopes to find a number, and in that order people went up to the Christmas tree to pick out a gift. Mine was some soap and hand sanitizer, and Rocket Boy received a beverage "sleeve." The twins' gifts were small toy monster trucks. And then we had to drive back to Ridgecrest, with the twins fighting all the way, la la la.

It was fabulous. I'll be glowing like a front-yard Christmas display for days. Next up: Jesus's Birthday Party at daycare. Can this holiday season get any better?

Cold Weather -- NOT

I've gotten behind on posting, too much holiday stuff going on. Last week Rocket Boy was out of town doing some training, so the twins and I kept each other company. The homeschool preschool theme was "Cold Weather" -- NOT that we had any. It was pretty silly. I saw people in stores wearing shorts and tank tops. But we did some nice little activities, including making snowflake cookies (out of tortillas)

and paper snowflakes (actually Mom made these -- boos just wanted to make paper airplanes).

Another day we "skated" around the house wearing pieces of wax paper taped to our feet (a big hit -- seriously). By Friday, Dad was home and could help us with this exciting project: putting rock salt and food coloring on big blocks of ice (made by filling old milk cartons with water and putting them in the freezer overnight) and seeing what happens.

Not much happened for quite a while, but eventually some serious melting and color mixing got going.

But so many other things are going on right now, parties and events, and there's so much to do.

Last Friday was Pearl Harbor Day, and Rocket Boy was going to a party, so he took a cake:

We were concerned that it was in horrendously bad taste. But some of the people at the party were old enough to remember Pearl Harbor, and Rocket Boy said they seemed to enjoy it.

Saturday was the annual Ridgecrest Christmas Parade, in all its hometown goofy splendor.

It seemed smaller this year than previous years, but there was still lots to see

and lots of candy was handed out. Boos just stood there and stuffed their faces. I always forget about that part -- we need to bring trash bags! Instead, I stuffed my pockets with the wrappers. I also stuffed my mouth with bubblegum, because I don't like the twins to have it. This meant that the twins kept staring at my mouth, shouting "Blow a bubble! Blow a bubble!" so sometimes I blew a bubble and then they would try to pop it. Tacky, tacky, tacky.

The horses in the parade are always favorites, as is the pooper scooper boy who follows along behind them.

I don't know why this rider is carrying a gigantic American flag. It's Ridgecrest, I guess that's the only answer.

And then on Sunday we drove up to Kennedy Meadows and over Sherman Pass to Kernville, so we could see some snow. There wasn't as much as we expected, but we did find one nice side road covered with white stuff, so we played there for awhile.

Boos had a blast, and since then they've been asking me why we don't have snow in Ridgecrest. Next year, they should get their fill of the white stuff.

And now onwards into more and more parties, cooking, shopping, and all the rest of the madness that makes up the holiday season. I do love it.